Delusion

I am back in Singapore for almost two weeks, but I am still trying to adjust back to this fast paced society, not to mention the timezone. Although I had fully recovered from jet-lag, I still refuse to accept the truth deep within me. Sleeping at almost 3am in the morning everyday and waking up after 10am, I kept convincing myself that my circadian rhythm is still with CET. This nonsense needs to stop.

Exchange seemed like a long dream. My life in Singapore seemed to come to a standstill the day I flew and resumed after I came back. Things changed: From small household items to new buildings being constructed. I felt foreign yet familiar.

After these few months of being away from home, I knew I cannot settle down. I have to keep moving. Life is too short for one to find a good career, settle down and work our asses off for the rest of our lives. The world is so big out there and it’s foolish not to experience as much as one can. Singaporeans like to compare this tiny island to other countries. We like to say, “Hey, why don’t we have this system? Why must we do this? Why is it so expensive here?”. We speak as if we know the world at the back of our hands. The unfortunate fact is we don’t. Unless you have been living outside Singapore for at least several months, mere holiday experiences don’t give us the rights to criticize our homeland in comparison basis. Yes, other countries may be better when you’re there as a tourist, but the perspective changes when you’re living there. Singapore would be a paradise if not for the weather.

After coming back, I know I need to start building my future. I have to get started on the goals I had set before I entered university. No more student activities, no more fun. Even though such activities still excite me, my self-discipline has got to take over. That was why I decided to pull out of Synergy’s NAF concert in order to dedicate my time and energy for my goals. I really really want to perform for it, but I know I will not make it out of this vicious cycle and will still be stuck in delusion if I don’t make this difficult decision. This is the semester which make or break.

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